ColuMn’s 2010 Halloween Novelty of the Year

Unlike last year’s Screaming Pirate Skull, there really was no single item that jumped out at me this year.  Instead, I’m using this space to take a look at three items that I bought that deserve an honorable mention and one item that I regretfully didn’t buy, but should have.

First up we have the DARTH VADER FRANKENSTEIN BOBBLEHEAD.  It’s been a while since I bought anything Star Wars-related.  Too long.  As soon as I spotted this, I knew I had to own it.  I assume that this was inspired by the final scenes in Revenge of the Sith, where Anakin finally becomes Darth Vader.  A lot of people don’t like that scene and find it laughable, but I really dug it, specifically because it reminded me of Frankenstein.  It just occurred to me that I now own two bobbleheads, and both of them are Frankenstein-related:  this one and Frankenberry.  So I guess if you want me to buy your bobblehead, you should slap some bolts on the neck.

Next, I direct your attention to the just-about-life-sized black wax skull candle.  It seems that every year I buy a new skull-shaped candle, and for the most part I’m pleased with my purchase.  But this year’s COULD just be the greatest skull candle ever.  You see, this skull candle supposedly features red wax that, when melted, oozes out of the eye sockets of the candle.  I haven’t lit mine yet.  I’m waiting for the Alcoholic’s Halloween to do that.

Next up is what I consider to be my major purchase of the season.  For the past three years I’ve purchased some sort of Halloween light decoration.  I like to keep the collection growing.  By the time I’m 90 I’ll have the greatest collection of Halloween plastic shit with lights attached in the nation.  This year’s entry looks pretty simple, but when lit, it really, uh, shines.  Known only as “Ghost”, the fun-loving tormented spirit with bright purple eyes adds a certain flair to any holiday festivity and reminds us that even the dead aren’t immune to Halloween hijinks.

Finally, we come to the regret portion of the Halloween shopping list.  It was towards the end of my shopping spree and I already had a cart loaded with candy, chocolate-covered Peeps, and Pumpkin Pie Pop Tarts.  I REALLY didn’t want to buy more crap to shovel into my head.  But I should definitely have forgone the pride and added The Flash Cakes to my cart.  These amazing Hostess cakes are the ultimate multitasking snacks.  Not only do they feature everybody’s favorite Scarlet Speedster, but they double as Halloween treats, with the inclusion of this bit of text right there on the front of the box:

Scary cakes?  Who in their right mind would pass this up?  WHO?  How can I accept the accolades that come with being the internet’s premiere investigative journalist when I blow such an obvious call?  What’s wrong with me?


6 thoughts on “ColuMn’s 2010 Halloween Novelty of the Year

  1. Well, you can always vomit into those Halloween baggies you filled with old Frankenberry, razors and hypodermic needles. That should make it nice and festive!

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