This horrifying photo was snapped on the occasion of the ColuMn Alcoholic’s Halloween 2009 Party. First, Baggyman showed up, uninvited. I should have known not to drink the absinthe. As we sat, terrified that our souls would soon be teabagged, there was a thunderous knock on the door, splintering the wood and causing our ears to bleed. For the first time since I’d known him, Baggyman looked unsure. “My God,” I thought. “What horrifying monstrosity could take Baggyman by surprise?” And then he stepped over the threshold. He stared at Baggyman and Baggyman stared back and I thought for sure we were all doomed as the two titans of terror edged ever closer to all-out Armageddon.
After several tense seconds, it seemed like the two demons were somehow communicating. While still not feeling safe, I began to feel that perhaps today was not my day to die or have my soul teabagged. I edged towards my camera, eager to provide ColuMn with yet another scoop of the century.
The two horrific figures of rage sat down, unspeaking, and enjoyed a couple glasses of absinthe. And then . . . he was gone. Baggyman seemed puzzled (and quite drunk). Who was this clown-faced killer? He’d left behind no clues and no name. We don’t know what he wants. Baggyman is all about teabagging souls, but the red-nosed roustabout showed no interest, even when Baggyman offered up Red Shirt as a sacrifice.
With this new threat at least temporarily quelled, the party began to pick up again. I’d just put on Lady GaGa’s, “I Like It Rough” for the 13th time, when we were confronted with a sight that will haunt each of us to our graves.
Why, Lord, why? Why did he have to corrupt the children?
ColuMn will be following up on these revolting developments as soon we regain the will to go on.