ROB ZOMBIE’S HALLOWEEN 1 ½
One year passed between the events of Rob Zombie’s Halloween and Rob Zombie’s Halloween 2. During that time, Michael Myers had to not only control his pathological urge to kill, but he had to lay low and not be spotted by ANYONE. He’s a 7 foot tall mountain man. He stands out. Rob Zombie’s Halloween 1½ explores that time period.
Michael Myers is really the only character in Rob Zombie’s Halloween 1½. Non-character stereotypes include his mother and Michael’s here-to-for unmentioned Uncle Jimmy. Uncle Jimmy’s sole purpose in life is to re-introduce vaudeville into popular culture. He has absolutely no impact on the story or characters in the film, much like the Dr. Loomis character in Rob Zombie’s Halloween 2. Abdul and Apu are the sort of vague Middle-East caricatures that Hollywood and America love: the non-terrorist kind.
After Michael Myers ditches the cops, he’s got to bide his time and wait for the next Halloween. After a bunch of time walking through fields and dealing with typical Rob Zombie White Trash ™, Michael Myers eventually settles into life in the Chicago suburbs.
This first scene occurs right after Michael arrives in Berwyn. Tired of his diet of stray dogs and being referred to as a Dollar Menunaire, Michael realizes he needs to get a job. The local 7-11 is hiring.
So, Mr., uh, Smith. I’ve gone over your application
and have detected some irregularities.
Uh. Yes. So, for instance, under “Prior Work
Experience, you just wrote the word “fuck” 213
(more stony silence, but Michael
slowly tilts his head)
So welcome to 7-11. You start Monday.
Well, as you can imagine, Monday comes way too quickly for Michael. He may be a horrific spree killer, but he still gets butterflies about the first day at a new job. And his first customer is way more than either of them bargained for.
Clerk. Clerk. Look at me when I talk to you.
(slowly straightens to his full height)
What happened to the Wheat Germ Slurpee?
So I’ll just get the cherry one instead. Yeah.
Eventually Michael settles into a routine. Having beers one night with his co-worker Abdul, he’s reminded that Halloween is only a week away. Michael tenders his resignation, and his co-workers throw him a good-bye party.
(raising his glass)
To John! Good luck, my friend.
(raises his glass)
And then Michael walks back to Haddonfield and brutally murders a bunch of people before being allegedly killed, which we all know he’s not.
This proposal doesn’t really do my vision of Rob Zombie’s Halloween 1½ justice. There’s like a big scene with a bunch of trailer trash and the only dialog is “fuck”. It’s fuckin’ awesome. And I should probably mention the extended dream sequence that takes up 85 minutes of the 90 minute runtime. It’s fuckin’ awesome. If you thought the “Nights In White Satin” scene in Rob Zombie’s Halloween 2 was a trip, just wait until you see the “Coney Island Lady” scene in Rob Zombie’s Halloween 1½.
Oh yeah. And a bunch of tits thrown in for no particular reason.
Coming Soon: Rob Fuckin’ Zombie’s Halloween Fuckin’ 3: The Fuckin’ Season of the Fuckin’ Fuck Fuck. Fuck