Rob Zombie’s Halloween 1½

ROB ZOMBIE’S HALLOWEEN 1 ½

A Proposal

BACKGROUND
One year passed between the events of Rob Zombie’s Halloween and Rob Zombie’s Halloween 2.  During that time, Michael Myers had to not only control his pathological urge to kill, but he had to lay low and not be spotted by ANYONE.  He’s a 7 foot tall mountain man.  He stands out.  Rob Zombie’s Halloween 1½ explores that time period.

CHARACTERS
Michael Myers is really the only character in Rob Zombie’s Halloween 1½.  Non-character stereotypes include his mother and Michael’s here-to-for unmentioned Uncle Jimmy.  Uncle Jimmy’s sole purpose in life is to re-introduce vaudeville into popular culture.  He has absolutely no impact on the story or characters in the film, much like the Dr. Loomis character in Rob Zombie’s Halloween 2.  Abdul and Apu are the sort of vague Middle-East caricatures that Hollywood and America love:  the non-terrorist kind.

A tough day at the office.

LOCATION
After Michael Myers ditches the cops, he’s got to bide his time and wait for the next Halloween.  After a bunch of time walking through fields and dealing with typical Rob Zombie White Trash ™, Michael Myers eventually settles into life in the Chicago suburbs.

SELECT SCENES
This first scene occurs right after Michael arrives in Berwyn.  Tired of his diet of stray dogs and being referred to as a Dollar Menunaire, Michael realizes he needs to get a job.  The local 7-11 is hiring.

ABDUL
So, Mr., uh, Smith.  I’ve gone over your application
and have detected some irregularities.

MICHAEL
(stony silence)

ABDUL
Uh.  Yes.  So, for instance, under “Prior Work
Experience, you just wrote the word “fuck” 213
times.

MICHAEL
(more stony silence, but Michael
slowly tilts his head)

ABDUL
So welcome to 7-11.  You start Monday.

 

Huh?

Well, as you can imagine, Monday comes way too quickly for Michael.  He may be a horrific spree killer, but he still gets butterflies about the first day at a new job.  And his first customer is way more than either of them bargained for.

BICYCLIST
Clerk.  Clerk.  Look at me when I talk to you.

MICHAEL
(slowly straightens to his full height)

BICYCLIST
What happened to the Wheat Germ Slurpee?

MICHAEL
(silence)

BICYCLIST
(silence)

MICHAEL
(silence)

BICYCLIST
So I’ll just get the cherry one instead.  Yeah.

Customers.  God love 'em.

Eventually Michael settles into a routine.  Having beers one night with his co-worker Abdul, he’s reminded that Halloween is only a week away.  Michael tenders his resignation, and his co-workers throw him a good-bye party.

ABDUL
(raising his glass)
To John!  Good luck, my friend.

APU
(raises his glass)
Whatever.

MICHAEL
(grunts)

ABDUL
Fuck.

And then Michael walks back to Haddonfield and brutally murders a bunch of people before being allegedly killed, which we all know he’s not.

Rainy days make Michael sad.

CONCLUSION
This proposal doesn’t really do my vision of Rob Zombie’s Halloween 1½ justice.  There’s like a big scene with a bunch of trailer trash and the only dialog is “fuck”.  It’s fuckin’ awesome.  And I should probably mention the extended dream sequence that takes up 85 minutes of the 90 minute runtime.  It’s fuckin’ awesome.  If you thought the “Nights In White Satin” scene in Rob Zombie’s Halloween 2 was a trip, just wait until you see the “Coney Island Lady” scene in Rob Zombie’s Halloween 1½.

Oh yeah.  And a bunch of tits thrown in for no particular reason.

Coming Soon:  Rob Fuckin’ Zombie’s Halloween Fuckin’ 3: The Fuckin’ Season of the Fuckin’ Fuck Fuck.  Fuck

 

Official Production Still

HALLOWEEN 1½ OFFICIAL PRODUCTION STILL

 

*special thanks to The Woodsman
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2 thoughts on “Rob Zombie’s Halloween 1½

  1. Bravo, Mr. Blackjack. Bravo.

    The stereotypes are spot on. The dialogue is superb. I especially love when Michael Myers gets butterflies in his stomach in anticipation of his new job.

    I say, fuck it all, and start production.

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