So there have been 106 posts on ColuMn so far. Out of all those posts, I was shocked and dismayed to discover that NOT ONE was devoted to Kellogg’s Pop-Tarts. NOT ONE! I know!
The only thing I can do at this point is to try to remedy that in some small way through ColuMn’s first-ever review of Pop-Tarts.
Now, it’s a well-known internet fact that BlackJack enjoys Cherry and Brown Sugar flavors the mostest. But what’s a little less known is that my favorite was discontinued a few years back: Frosted Apple. I think they still offer an Apple Pop-Tart, but it’s sans frosting. And that, my friends, is just not something I would ever put in my mouth. And I eat poop.
So I’ve been searching these many years to no avail. No single flavor of Pop-Tart ever really appealed to me. I wrote to Kellogg’s begging for the aforementioned “poop” flavor, but my pleas went unanswered. Until now.
Well, not the Poop Pop-Tarts, but my pleas for a Pop-Tart I could love again.
Another fact well-documented at various Sparks fan sites is that I prefer my Pop-Tarts to be untoasted. But for the sake of this review, I am willing to eat one raw and one toasted. Happy?
First the raw one. Hmmm. These are a lot like these donuts BlackJack used to feed me in the 80s (he’s a terrible pet owner). They were your basic chocolate frosted donuts, only instead of chocolate icing they used vanilla. Another thing these remind me of of at Lik-M-Aid stick in Fun-Dip.
The frosting is nice and think and the presence of sprinkles makes me giggle with glee like a schoolgirl sniffing her first ass. Uh. If school girls were bitches. And by bitches, I of course, mean female dogs. Anyhoo. . . .
On to the toasted Tart. This definitely has a slightly different taste and it distinctly more along the lines of “vanilla milkshake”. And the whole package really is toasty goodness. As much as I’m a huge fan of the untoasted Pop-Tart, I gotta say, with this particular flavor I think I actually prefer toasted.
I highly recommend not only Vanilla Milkshake Pop-Tarts (though if you’re a kid and your parents are buying you Vanilla Milkshake Pop-Tarts, a word of warning: I think they’re trying to kill you), but Pop-Tarts in general. If it’s been a while since you last had one of these delicious breakfast toaster pastries, I suggest you go to the store right now and pick up at least one box of each flavor your local grocer offers. You won’t (ie. will) regret it.
Serving size: 1 pastry (really? why do they come two to the packet then?)
Calories: 200 (holy shit!)
Total fat: 6 grams
Sodium: 200 mg
ColuMn Fun Fact™: Even though the box says in bold type, “WITH CALCIUM”, Vanilla Milkshake Pop-Tarts contain only 10% of your RDA of Calcium! Eat it, sucker!
ColuMn Rating: ★★★★
Oh, man. I was just about to put this puppy to bed, when I glanced at the box and saw this:
Can the ColuMn review be far behind?