Magic 8 Ball Horoscopes

Gaze into its inky abyss at your own risk.

Gaze into its inky abyss at your own risk.

BlackJack is old.

In honor of that, I’m delving deep into the black magicks to consult the plastic oracle known as the Magic 8 Ball.  What answers will appear out of the radioactive, mutant blue ooze?  We shall see, my friends.  We shall see.

Virgo (Aug 23 – Sep 23):  Absolutely!

Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 23): Yes.

Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 22): Maybe.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 22): Ask again later.

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 20): Definitely.

Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 19): My sources say no.

Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 21): Definitely.

Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 20): Maybe.

Taurus (Apr 20 – May 21): Outlook not so good.

Gemini (May 21 – Jun 21): No way!

Cancer (Jun 21 – Jul 23): Absolutely!

Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 23): My sources say no.

There you have it.  The secrets of the future finally revealed.  Use this power wisely, my liege.  Wisely indeed.



Sparks here!
Don’t worry, reader.
ColuMn will be back with a vengeance in a few days!

3 thoughts on “Magic 8 Ball Horoscopes

  1. I don’t actually have one of the old skool 8 Balls. I have one of the electronic ones that has like 40,000 different answers, but I consulted an online 8 Ball for this article.

    I think if I took a Hannah Montana 8 Ball up to a checkstand, I’d probably be immediately arrested. Which is probably a pretty good idea for any dirty old robot dog buying anything Hannah Montana-related.

  2. Hey. I still believe in the 8 ball. Maybe it’s your 8 ball that’s old and not you. Try getting a new one. I think they make them with Hanna Montana on them now.

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