Long-time readers of ColuMn™ (I’m going to pretend there are actual readers of ColuMn™ and that some of them are long-time readers because it makes me feel like I have friends) are probably scratching their heads in an ape-like manner, wondering what the deal is with no posts in the past few days. I have a bunch of stuff in the pipeline, but none of it is ready yet. You want to know why? Well, you probably read the title of this post. That’s why.
I played the original and Vice City on the Playstation 2 when they came out and really liked them. They were fun diversions, but I got bored pretty quick. I think it was learning the cheat code to get the tank. It kind of took the challenge out of it. But GTA IV is pretty sweet.
I was also a big fan of the Driver series, and GTA IV is a lot like Driver, only better. But it is a huge time waster. I’ve resisted watching the in-game tv so far, but I know that I can’t hold out much longer. Just what I need. More tv.
Another thing I’ve noticed is the subtle change in my real-life world view. I’m pretty sure I could floor my Jetta for at least 200 yards down a straightaway, straddling the lanes and barely scraping sides with other cars. I haven’t tested the theory yet.
I don’t have a gun, but playing GTA IV makes me want to go out and buy one. Seems like a pretty decisive way to solve your problems. I’ve killed literally hundreds of innocent bystanders in the game and feel absolutely no guilt. I feel more guilty banging hookers on my way to my date with my in-game girlfriend, Michelle.
Speaking of Michelle, I’ve been treating her pretty rotten, I guess. No, I haven’t beat her up or shot her (yet), but our last date did end somewhat disastrously. I thought she might like to go get a lapdance at the strip club. Boy, was I wrong. She was a total dead fish. When I fired off a couple of rounds to get things interesting, she totally stormed off! What does she think? I have a new car every time I see her because people like me?
One thing I do in the game that’s probably better for society than what I do outside the game is that I take a cab home after I get completely wasted at the bar. In real life, I’ll just climb behind the wheel of my Hummer and figure people will see me coming and get out of the way. In the game, it’s just a huge pain in the ass to drive drunk. Plus, I can skip the cab ride and end up right where I want to be: having paid relations with skanky women in the back of an ice cream truck.