All My Friday the 13th Posts!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JASON!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JASON!!!

I know this isn’t really a new post, just a collection of links. But I did do something new today.  This being Friday, June 13, it is in fact the birthday of our hero, Jason Voorhees.  Happy birthday, Jason.  We miss ya.

The Top 100 Horror Flicks #10-6

O’Connor vs. Jason Teaser Trailer

10 Books On My Bookshelf That You Should Read

Friday the 13th Trailer Review

Friday the 13th (2009) Review

Top 10 Friday the 13th Movies

O’Connor vs. Jason

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood

Friday the 13th: The Final Girls

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Dirty Baby Santa 2

BONUS ALTERNATE VERSION!

Dirty Baby Santa returns and he’s got Baggyman hot on his trail.

A Film by BlackJack and The Woodsman

Friday the 13th: The Final Girls

The best way to get me to break my ColuMn™ writing slump is for the calendar to hit Friday the 13th.  I just can’t resist.

There’s a myth about the Final Girls in the Friday the 13th movies: they’re all busty blondes.  While that has been the case in a couple installments, more often than not, the stereotype doesn’t fit.

Not only that, but while it’s true that they are the Final Girls, in many of the movies they are joined by at least one fellow survivor, and sometimes more!  But nobody cares about them.  So without further ado, here’s my ranking of the Top 13 Final Girls.

#13 MICKI FOSTER – FRIDAY THE 13th: THE SERIES  (honorable mention)

Robey

I was going to type the complete lyrics to Toni Basil’s 80’s hit, “Mickey”, but to show I’ve matured since the last time I wrote for ColuMn™, I’m showing my remarkable self-restraint.

Technically not in any way related to the Friday the 13th movies, Friday the 13th: The Series featured Robey as Micki Foster, who, with her cousin Ryan Dallion and, uh, creepy old guy Jack Marshak, managed a cursed antique shop (it was way better than it sounds).  I seriously loved this show.  Why have I not written about this show before?

Robey (sometimes credited as Louise Robey) wasn’t the greatest actress, but the show wouldn’t have been the same without her screaming and crying her way through episode after episode.

Fun fact:  Robey also appeared in Warren Beatty’s Dick Tracy before vanishing from the face of the Earth!

#12  JESSICA KIMBALL – JASON GOES TO HELL: THE FINAL FRIDAY

Jessica_Kimble

I’ve probably seen this movie fewer times than any other Friday the 13th. Jason’s hardly in it, the story is even more ridiculous than your average Friday the 13th entry, and the Final Girl is completely forgettable.  There’s some mumbo jumbo about how Jessica is the niece of Jason (her mother, played by Erin Grey, is Jason’s half-sister, sharing the same mysterious father). But the problem is that Jessica just doesn’t do all that much.  Most of the heavy lifting is done by Ryan Dallion, uh, I mean John D. LeMay.  So while the cast is probably one of the strongest in the series, the movie itself is pretty ho-hum and the Final Girl  is just mediocre (if you’re being generous).

Fun fact:  John D. LeMay is the only actor to appear in both the tv series and a Friday the 13th movie!

#11 – WHITNEY MILLER – FRIDAY THE 13TH (2009)

Whitney_Miller_(S4-S1)

Whitney isn’t forgettable or useless like Jessica.  The problem here is that she’s hardly in the movie until the very end.  She’s taken prisoner by Jason early on and spends most of the movie trapped in Jason’s underground bunker until her brother stumbles on her and rescues her.  Because she’s not specifically targeted by Jason for death until almost literally the last scene of the movie, she just barely qualifies as a Final Girl.

Fun fact:  The characters of Clay and Whitney Miller are based on the characters  Rob Dyer (The Final Chapter) and Sandra Dier (Part 2)!

#10 – LORI CAMPBELL – FREDDY VS. JASON

Lori

Lori is a little bit like Buffy Summers, or at least as close as it’s probably going to get in the Friday the 13th universe.  She doesn’t have slayer strength or the kung fu chops, but she still manages to defeat both Jason AND Freddy.  Sure, she’s annoying as hell, but she survives, and that’s really the only qualification you need to get the Final Girl job.

Fun fact: Wes Craven (the creator of A Nightmare On Elm Street) and Sean Cunningham (the creator of Friday the 13th)  collaborated on The Last House on the Left in 1972!

#9 – TRISH JARVIS – FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE FINAL CHAPTER

Trish

Trish should probably rank a lot higher on this list, as she really is the quintessential Final Girl.  The problem is that she doesn’t really defeat Jason this time out, her younger brother, Tommy, does.  So blame Corey Feldman, Trish.  Everybody else does.

Fun Fact:  Though Tommy and Trish’s mom, Mrs. Jarvis’s death is not shown on-screen, the makers of The Final Chapter confirmed that she was one of Jason’s victims!

#8 – MEGAN GARRIS – JASON LIVES: FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VI

Megan

Megan is pretty hot and gets bonus points for being the Star Child in the V tv series, but she’s also pretty annoying and, much like Trish, doesn’t actually defeat Jason. Tommy Jarvis ruins it for another Final Girl.  But Megan does actually do things that help Tommy defeat Jason, so she’s not quite as useless as Trish.

Fun Fact: The screenplay had scenes featuring Jason’s mysterious father.  Those scenes were cut before filming began, but you can still check them out if you can find the novelization from 1986!

#7 – ROWAN – JASON X

Rowan

Rowan (no last name) might just be the hottest Final Girl in the series, but she’s also one of the smartest.  It’s not her fault David Cronenberg didn’t listen to her warnings about Jason.  And when she wakes up in the future after being cryogenically frozen with Jason, it’s also not her fault that the future morons also don’t listen to her warnings.  But despite the overwhelming stupidity that surrounds her, she still manages to survive not only regular old zombie Jason, but zombie cyborg Jason as well.  And she does it all while looking awesome.

Fun Fact: The highest body count (28) of any Friday the 13th movie!

#6 – RENNIE WICKHAM – FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VIII – JASON TAKES MANHATTAN

Rennie

There are a lot of people who don’t like Rennie, which I don’t really understand.  Sure, she was in one of the worst entries in the series.  Sure, she got stuck wearing clothes that make Lar Park Lincoln’s Tina look like Audrey Hepburn.  But she’s likeable and she can shake off a heroin high like most people shake off a limb that fell asleep.  She and her boyfriend end up surviving Jason in this one (by exposing Jason to toxic waste that somehow reverts him to a child (?)), but she does most of the work as the boyfriend tries to act tough.

Fun Fact:  The feature film debut of Kelly Hu!

#5 – PAM ROBERTS – FRIDAY THE 13TH: A NEW BEGINNING

Pam_Roberts

A New Beginning was a weird entry.  It didn’t feature Jason as the killer and the Final Girl was more like the Final Woman, as Pam was one of the adults who ran a halfway house for troubled youth (of course, Tommy Jarvis, who is supposed to be 17 here looks more like he’s 30, so in the Friday the 13th universe, age is pretty meaningless).  Again, Tommy pulls a Kanye and cuts Pam off, determined to get the credit for getting rid of Jason (or faux-Jason).  But Pam does manage to protect a kid and stay alive while Tommy is off doing whoknowswhat.

Fun Fact: The “real” Jason Voorhees does appear in the movie, but only in Tommy’s hallucinations.  In those hallucinations he is wearing the familiar “Jason” mask with the red stripes.  The imposter Jason wears a hockey mask with blue stripes!

#4 – TINA SHEPARD – FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VII: THE NEW BLOOD

Tina

You all know how much I absolutely love Tina.  She might be the single best character, outside of Jason and Pamela Voorhees, to ever grace a Friday the 13th movie.  And she is an awesome, empowered Final Girl.  She hands Jason the biggest ass-kicking he receives in the series.  I could make a strong argument for her being the #1 Final Girl very easily.  But, in all fairness, she does have the telekinetic powers AND she has her trusty boyfriend  (not to mention her zombie dad) to help her out (not that she really needed the help).

Fun Fact:  The actor who played Crazy Ralph in Parts 1 and 2 is the narrator during the opening segment!

#3- CHRIS HIGGINS – FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 3

Chris

Part 3 is one of my favorite entries.  Jason finally gets his hockey mask, some of the 3-D effects are pretty sweet, and Chris is one of the best Final Girls.  So good, in fact, that I had her originally listed as #7 on this list and as I was writing this I realized my huge mistake.  Chris not only survives the movie, but she plants an axe in Jason’s head AND may or may not have survived a raping at the hands of the maniac a few years prior.  For the back story alone, you gotta hand it to Chris.

Part of what I think makes a great Final Girl is how she handles fighting Jason one-on-one.  All of the Final Girls on this list end up scrapping with Jason, but Chris’ fight take up like 1/3 of the movie.  It’s pretty relentless.

Fun Fact: While released on a Friday the 13th, the entire movie takes place on Saturday the 14th and Sunday the 15th!

#2 – ALICE HARDY – FRIDAY THE 13TH (1980)

Alice

Alice is the first and almost the best.  The only thing holding her back is that she doesn’t actually fight Jason.  She fights Jason’s mom.  Jason’s middle-aged mom.  And almost loses.  Alice has so many opportunities to get rid of Mrs. Voorhees and continually does the stupidest thing she can think of.  But she is the only Final Girl to appear in two Friday the 13th movies, so she gets a couple of bonus points anyway.

Fun Fact:  Jason was originally named Josh!

#1 – GINNY FIELD – FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2

Ginny

I’m as surprised as you are that I rank Ginny #1, but she really is the gold standard that all other Final Girls should be judged by.  She’s the Laurie Strode of the Friday the 13th series.  You see, she’s studying to be a child psychologist, so she’s able to get into Jason’s head and mess with him, throwing off his killer instinct, enabling her (and possibly her boyfriend) to survive.  Ginny was supposed to be back for Part 3, but Amy Steel passed (understandably, I guess).  But for combining brains with beauty and a will to survive, I have to give the top spot to Ginny.  In the battle of the Final Girls, she’s the, uh, Finalest.

Fun Fact: Nobody knows what the hell happened to Paul Holt!

Need more FRIDAY THE 13th?  Well, here you go:

TOP 100 HORROR FLICKS #10-6

FRIDAY THE 13TH TRAILER REVIEW

FRIDAY THE 13TH (2009) REVIEW

TOP 10 FRIDAY THE 13TH MOVIES

FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VII: THE NEW BLOOD

O’CONNOR VS JASON TEASER TRAILER

THE O’CONNOR CHRONICES EPISODE FIVE: O’CONNOR VS. JASON

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